


Save Me.

by DefLeppardFan13



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Starbomb (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Dan POV, Depression, Egoraptor - Freeform, F/M, Fanfiction, Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Long, Love, One Shot, Saddness, danny sexbang - Freeform, moping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4525767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefLeppardFan13/pseuds/DefLeppardFan13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan goes through a hard time when his gf has a moment where depression hit her hard. But what happens when the hero suddenly may need saving too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me.

I was packing up to finally head out after a killer eight hours of recording. Arin had had it out with the wii controllers, I had it up to here with the goddamn technical issues, and everything was finally just fucking over!

 

"Hey man, um, you and the little lady wanna come out to dinner?" Arin shrugged and I remembered she had been at home all day. I sighed thinking it over. I hadn't had the chance to confide in him that the reason she decided not to come today was due to the sudden depressing state she was slipping into. I knew if I came in and kept busy my own personal anxiety wouldn't soar and I could still be able to be brave and her hero at the end of the day when she needed.

"I uh, lemme get there, see what she wants to do? It's been not, ugh, it's been kinda iffy lately, not gonna lie here Arin." I shrugged and felt Arin's gently hand on my shoulder.

"Dude, you guys okay?" Arin pressed and I sat back down immediately throwing my face in my hands. 

"We're fine, I'm fine, shes-" I stalled. I knew she didn't want anyone else to 'pity' her. She begged me this morning to just leave her state out of the light. It was tearing me apart not knowing how to help passed just holding her and reassuring her, I was not ever leaving. 

"She's what Dan?" Arin rubbed my back and I sighed. I looked up at my best friend and saw so much worry my anxiety rose up anyway. What was the point of trying to avoid that shit anymore when everything on my shoulders weighed more at the moment than usual?

"Okay, like, dude, totally off the record, we never spoke, at her request I swore to her I'd never say it." I had to warn him. He loved her like a family member from the minute I introduced them. It was her spirit and her laid-back wit that had him look at me after our first date and beg me not to break her heart. How could I? She was something worth more than just a drink and a one night regret. With how much he cared I knew if I hadn't of said that first he would have jumped up to go back with me to make sure she knew how much he was there to help. I never understood how private someone could be with that until I met her. She was just as bad with it as I had been. I wanna think that's how we bonded in some ways to be honest.

"Okay, whatever, geeze! Ya want me to fuckin pinky-swear?! Just tell me Danny!" Arin dropped 'Danny' and I knew he was going to lose patience with me. I leaned back and inhaled, I was going to hear it, cause the man was going to lose his mind knowing she was how she was at the moment.

"Dude, shes, she falling into the darkness I feel like." I started there. I couldn't say the word cause then I felt like I was diagnosing her. 

"Dan, speak, English please!" Arin shook my shoulder and I snapped turning to face him. Well shit Dan, looks like your damn dam broke!

"SHE'S FALLING INTO A DEPRESSING STATE, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HER! I CAN'T HELP HER! SHE HAS IT IN HER FUCKING GOD DAMN SKULL THAT BECAUSE SHE GETS LIKE THIS I'LL LEAVE AND I CAN'T WORD IT, SHOW IT, OR EVEN FUCKING SING IT ENOUGH TO PROVE THIS! IT'S LIKE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE MAN, JUST A SHIT TON WORSE!" I never snapped so hard on anyone in about a few years. I usually could keep things smooth sailing. Arin had been startled then upset like I had been once it hit. I was losing her to he own mind and I couldn't save her it felt like.

"Why did you come in today and leave her?" Arin asked calmly. I scoffed then shook my head staring at the mic stand just in my view. I was selfish as shit and didn't feel like freaking out on her so I left instead of making it worse. Totally a bad answer but hey, while we're all being honest here!

"My anxiety is soaring. I don't have the fuzzy, warm, feelings ability on my list right now with how scared I am that she'll totally leave me cause some off chance I said something irrelevant and she'll take it as I don't want her. Literally everything I do, or say, her head is morphing it so bad because she's so below sea level. I just, I love her, Arin! I love her and to not flip out on her cause I'm tired, I'm overworking myself, AND, I am pulling the rest of my patience to not just call her something regretful over this weird mindset she has fallen into. I had to come in because I was trying to make sure I didn't lose it myself." I tried to breathe. That entire explanation was in one breath and I totally felt like it was nothing. Arin was staring at me. I swallowed back a lump in my throat indicating this is the part I finally breakdown officially and let it out. 

Just let it out Dan. Come on Danny-boy, the process is still going! You're jewish tears need to fall, how else are ya gonna do this danny, come on Dan, FUCKING CHRIST I WON'T! I swallowed back another lump and remained trying to ignore my body. My head was killing me but I couldn't. If she had a clue that I broke down here, she would figure it out. I'd be screwed, and she would leave. Oh hey! Look! Anxiety! My old buddy, who the hell invited you!?

"Dannny?! Dan-D-DAN!" Arin shook me out of my haze and I blinked to him. "Fucking Christ! Dan, where are you?! One second you're telling me all of this, the next you just check out of room 'Sexbang' and got lost! Dude! How much sleep are you getting, and don't downplay it!" Arin was stern now and his eyes were my caring friend and I could say guardian angel. I huffed looking at him and then remembered I wasn't allowed to downplay shit. I counted in my head quickly.

Okay, 1 day is 24 hours, right? That's, that is still a thing yes? Alright um 24 times like 2? Yeah okay so 48 hours. Now! Add like the 8 hours I was here, and you have, ah yes!

"56 hours." I muttered. My paranoia, worry, and work, all had me up. Tea, coffee, and like a shit ton of thoughts fueled me. Arin was a blank canvas just the only clue that I was in for it was the weird way he breathed through his usually stuffy nose.

"Why." Arin totally wasn't asking and I wasn't allowed to shrug now. I gotta admit, he played a father roll really well.

"I, uh, well, figured, sleep when I'm dead!" I went for the dick answer and shrugged because I'm a fucking rebel. 

"Damn it Daniel! Go home! Please go sleep! I swear to god if you come in tomorrow I am telling her I know! I can't believe you are not taking care of yourself! You just went through the flu, and now you want to add in more?! God Dan! I love you and I can't make you do shit, but please? Please go home and sleep! When you wake up call me! And also," Arin and I stood up. He grabbed me in a bear hug and I hadn't realized I may have needed one of these. I felt the lump again attempt to betray me. "just silently snuggle her. Let her cry, hell, right now, and I should but I wouldn't, cause I get it, cry with her. You doing this zombie crap is going to ruin you. Now then!" Arin let me go and handed me my backpack. I sighed and took it. The weight seemed worse now that I talked about something. "Home we go. Okay man? Remember, call me AFTER you've SLEPT. Got it?" Arin pressed.

"Okay dad! Will do!" I snorted. Arin rolled his eyes but grinned knowing what I meant. We headed out and I hugged the big guy again before driving home. Oh how this was going to be interesting. I already could see her. She was going to be sobbing in the bed, covers over her beautiful head. I was going to walk in and she would expect me to just sit and tell her about my day. Yet, after Arin's speeches, I planned on probably joining her, maybe the whole hiding under a blanket shield from the world was not so bad of an idea. Maybe.

I walked into the apartment. Barry I knew was staying late and I huffed letting my backpack down by the door. It was going to wait as I was going to try this new process out. Just hold her Dan, don't be afraid of crying too. I mean, I been so worried about being brave and being her hero, I was becoming less of one and more of a villain. I was danger to myself even! I grabbed a glass of juice and leaned on the counter just zoning out at the tile. I breathed in so uneasy knowing she knew I was home.

I remembered the first day she greeted me after we moved into the bigger place so all of us could have space. She had these bright eyes and amazing features of just lively beauty. Her arms wrapped around me like I had been gone for days on end. I remember feeling like I had been feeling the same actually. When you're newly in love and just all your head is about is that person and you see them after a dreadful 7 hours, it's heaven. Nah, heaven you can't die over and over again and still feel amazing about it. No she was home for me. She was definitely where I resided. Who knew that was even possible? 

I finally let my head have a break for a nanosecond as I finished up my beverage. He glass made a small noise and I cringed for no reason. I was so scared of her coming out and catching me in here just thinking. I knew the reason I also didn't need her coming out. I wanted to be in there, with her. I wanted to snuggle and sleep. I wanted to finally just get it out. I was tired of swallowing lumps and I was scared if she came out to check on me, I would lose this motivation. I was scared I'd build back up my walls.

I softly headed down the hallway and cracked the door open. Sure as shit, there she was. She was a small lump just breathing away hidden even deeper. She was exactly how I left her. She was laying on her side, away from the door, in a ball, on my California King. I softly shut the door and set the glass of water I brought her always incase she'd want something. She usually never did and I would take it back before I left, refill it, and leave it there until I got home to find it untouched. 

It was sunset and my room was barely illuminated. I slowly dressed to lay down with her when I forgot what her stirring sounded like.

"Danny?" a small voice croaked from, well, from not under the blankets? I spun around to see her sitting up. She had let the comforter fall in her lap and was blinked at me from what I could tell. I almost wanted to apologize for waking her. Apologize for being too loud with the glass. I wanted her back laying down so I didn't have to explain what the hell I was trying to do!

"Uh, yeah? It's still just me, uh, you, okay?" I ruffled the back of my hair unsure of what to even say to the love of my life. I sounded sort of dickish like I was asking her how she felt out of pity. She tilted her head at me looking like she was inspecting my person.

"Why are you looking like you're coming to bed? Usually you're not in here till, well, to change and leave again." Her voice faltered and I thought about that. I hadn't been to bed in almost three days, I hadn't slept. I hadn't done anything but sit on the side of the bed and explain to her why I wasn't leaving her. Oh, I haven't been here either. Oh shit. Really Danny?! God you moron.

"I'm, um," oh look another lump to swallow, keep digging dude, "I got to talking with Arin today." Oh man, here it comes. You're having to totally do what you said you didn't, someone give me a trophy please! 

"Oh, um, so like did he have to sit with Mochi again?" She was trying to remember me droning on and on about my days. I had told her once about Arin and Mochi. Geeze, this was stupid, I loved her yet was finding it harder to explain to her than it was to Arin. Wellp, uh, here, goes!

"No, no. It was about, us." I paused and kept a soft look on her. She nodded slowly and I continued not waiting for some response. "I told him about how we have been struggling with ourselves." I said it that way so she would understand. Thankfully she caught what I hinted at.

"Our-ourselves? Danny? I'm the one who's been moping in bed. Not you? You've been just up and gone and tracking." Her voice was full suddenly of worry. She actually threw herself off the bed and came around to me. I braced myself knowing it was going to hurt worse than if she hit me.

"What's wrong?" her voice was soft as for once the stinging pain wasn't my eyes burning. Her arms were around me, it was gentle, but almost like she was using a superpower on me. She was starting the process of being my hero. I let another lump come up and held it there. I let it burn in my scrawny neck and take it's form. My eyes were then on fire, but not just from lack of sleep. They were burning because tears were now invading their space. I blinked and she ran her hands up my spine so carefully that I felt like she could break me. I remembered how to hug back finally and when that clicked in it was like a million switches.

My heart, head, body, swam with all the guilt, selfishness, overtired-feelings, love, and hate, I had been avoiding like the goddamn plague. My senses all went for a joyride as my emotions spilled into her hair. My oxygen intake was working to keep my overpowered mind going as I let it all out on the one person I been so scared of. My hands gripped her tight and my sobs just fell everywhere. I was trying too hard to not hurt or upset her, I hadn't noticed I chose not to do shit for myself as well emotionally. 

She pulled me somehow to lay with her, minus comforter shield, and I complied. Not happily considering I was sure a snot bubble from my release popped in her hair. I felt small hands carefully brush through my mess of jew-hair as I found myself still holding her close enough to me that I could attempt to snap her in half. She breathed in and out so calmly and I half thought I had been going mad. Why was she the one I was scared for, and now said person was comforting ME?! It made no sense to me and I was baffled at the plot twist my day had taken. I realized I didn't even need to speak an answer as this all had unfolded, I should have known deep down, this was me we're talking about here. Nothing goes as planned, but seems to have a better outcome.

She stayed with me like that just letting me break apart in her arms. I was tangled into a ball with her and wished I could have had the ability to laugh at the sight of the role reversal that was happening. She had placed soft, but long, warm, kisses to my dumb forehead from time to time which I had to say I never felt like I needed them as much as then. I eventually unlocked my grip on her and reached up finally to stroke her face. It was so alien cause it had been so long for us to be like this since I took the wrong route to being there for her. She placed a hand of her own over it and I noticed my sobbing was resorted to the last few guys whom had not fell from my eyes yet, just taking their time. I felt like a leaky pipe when that happened. 

I looked into her eyes and I felt so ashamed it had been days since I watched them. They were so caring and kind and yet so much one of the things I always said I loved about her. She had the ability to speak clearly with them and I never once had to guess what she was trying to tell me. Right then it had been that she was there. She was putting all her nightmares and demons aside for me. Her hero whom was now in dire need to be saved. 

"Please call me an idiot." I planned to apologize, but my head decided it needed one last beating. 

"For what?" her small voice was above a whisper and it rang in my head. What purpose did it serve to be told what I already knew.

"Because I have been nothing, but one for the past like 2 days and then some." I looked away from her just hating to admit what needed to honestly be admitted. It was more for myself than her. She probably already had the idea.

"Will it solve anything?" her simple questions came with such heavier answers. I knew I loved her for a reason. 

"No. Not really. I mean, fuck, I thought I was protecting you and giving you space. I was so sure that backing off and just letting you deal was the answer and when it wasn't helping my own darkness came in and I just, ran. I thought I was helping by staying busy so I didn't freak out too, and it just all backfired." I sniffled again feeling like I failed her. I kept staring down the blanket and sighing while more tears came into play. The rewetted where their passing ancestors had traveled and I shuddered now needing to ask the hardest question. "How do I fix it?" I had an emotional rise that resembled a slight squeak as my voice cracked. Her arms pulled me to her chest more and I was again the hero being rescued.

"WE, fix it, Dan. WE do. Not just you, both of us. I'm not innocent either. You hear me?" She spoke with such strength and hope I almost believed it right away. My head though heard her emphasize the not just one person idea in this and I was confused. She was the one who was sick and helpless, and I was the jackass who let her be alone in it and then totally met and had lunch with karma. I huffed trying to catch my breath again and stop blubbering. I knew it was what I needed, but it made it really hard to respond.

"You didn't do it. I did." I started to protect her. She sighed and let me finish my case. "I left you alone too much, I didn't do but give you a stupid glass of water and five seconds to talk before I easily walked out to go work. I didn't think about this. I should have worked on my stuff in here at least. I should have explained to them I needed a day for you. I should have thought more about you and not about being so afraid of losing me too." I sniffled trying to keep calm again just so the tears quit already! It was totally hard fighting them just to talk, and I had no idea why I even tried to dry up. 

I felt hands pull my eyes back to meet hers that were now telling me how wrong I was and I almost hated it. I knew I was right, I was the dumbass, selfish, boyfriend, and she was just needing me to be there. I got it! How could she even sit there and look at me like that. When she spoke, it was unbelievable.

"I should have talked to you. I should have been able to ask. I should have grabbed your wrist that passed my sight and stopped to make it clear. I didn't. I laid here. I wallowed in thoughts that weren't even true. I told myself bullshit because I didn't make the effort and you didn't get the hint I wasn't giving. I blamed you, because, I was too upset to blame something else on me. So I was left to create a whole excuse and just dwelled, and-and accepted that you were just going to leave from how broken I was when I cornered you with no insight on how to even try! I didn't let you try, and look where my mistakes ended up! We're both now needing to try and you're upset and I'm upset, but for once during this whole shitty time, we're not alone in it." She and Arin really had that thing where they play the heartstrings like a pro. I never took lessons, but it worked out because I was totally okay with singing. See what I did there, Dan? No? Oh you just thought it sucked- "DANNY! SAY ANYTHING BABE!" 

I was pulled from another run of just rambling thoughts. I searched for anything that I needed to say and that would make this a further push into mending shit.

"So, all those times? That I just, walked out? If we had not been trying to save ourselves from each other, instead of trying to save each other, this would have been okay sooner?" I had to summarize it and let it make sense in my head. We both indeed screw up. Yet, both of us were trying to protect the other. It was so surreal how terribly similar this was panning out to be.

"Yeah. I mean, we've been so hellbent on being there, but knowing how we personally will react to being stressed and weighed down, we destroyed accidentally instead of building. Ironic isn't it?" She sort of joked the last bit and I was still hazy from being so worn down and finally letting it out. I hadn't realized I was totally scowling still over-processing it until her thumb was rubbing between my eyebrows. 

"Huh? What are you doing?" I questioned the weird senstation to not scowl as she put pressure to the strange place still working on it. Her skin was a little dry from just being in bed so long it felt almost alien.

"If you paid attention, I have smiled at least twice now, and nothing from yourself. So I am erasing your hideous frowny face and giving you a chance to catch up!" Her idea on how to word she was simply trying to make me smile was working. The tone in her voice sang almost familiar and I remembered her as I had described in the kitchen. I blinked and let my features finally relax, but my lips curved helplessly into a smirk. Tired as I was, it was still something, I guess. She had nodded approvingly before pushing her two pointer fingers against the sides of my lips and pushing up more. It made me smile with her help which was coincidentally her idea. I wound up smiling with a hint of a snicker at her antics and seemed to feel less dark in the senses, but exhaustion moved right on in. I let a yawn free and her warm eyes narrowed as her growing smile went to her cheeks. 

"Why are you grinning that I am about to die for like, eons?" I giggled like a loser with an amazing woman in my life and she shook her head. I knew it was a dumb question but the laugh was worth it. It was higher pitched but just lovely to hear. It reminded me of summer sunsets, and kisses under the stars. I was hopeless, but I was hers.

"Because, we're idiots. Just now we're not, but you've gained the title of sleepy-grump. As cliché as it is. I do believe you need rest, I mean just a wild guess!" she rolled her eyes with another giggle and I held up a finger. She looked to me curious as to what I had to say.

"I have one small request on that idea, which yes I totally am fuckin going to comatose here in a minute." I wanted her to ask what it was just so I could execute the line my head threw at me as she said I needed sleep. 

"And that is?" she raised an eyebrow knowing I was going to be so cheesy about this.

"I wanted to know if you'd like to join me, madam?" I offered her my hand so I could pull her to snuggle with me finally as I scooted up to her eye-level. She placed her small hand, in mine and I gently kissed it like a true fuckin' gentleman. Her eyes lit up like Christmas, and I couldn't stop how elated I was to see that again. 

"Shall we?" she coyly nodded to the pillow and I rested my head closer to her as I indeed pulled her under my chin in a warm embrace under warm blankets. I hadn't noticed until the silence settled in that sadly a party of three was now in store as I hadn't noticed that Excalibur had indeed decided to make an appearance. She noticed as well and smiled deviously before making a move to greet him. Since I was still totally in character upon after sliding to hover over her I kissed her from her lips to her neck and got right in her ear. I softly kissed behind it and grazed my teeth on her lobe before whispering in the darkness to her.

"May I have this dance?" my voice was low and without missing a beat, the woman I knew was mine for a reason decided to respond so properly I dared to say.

"No, you have two left feet, I'll lead!" her giggle fit as I let her take the reins left me laughing until she had silenced me for the night. I may be a terrible dancer, she was correct. BUT...

I still knew how to fucking sing, and her favorite song, I did indeed sing for her. 

All. Night. Long.


End file.
